Ofcourse, with Valentine happening this month, February had to be about love. What more makes us happy than having someone to love, and someone loving you. I gotta say, if I knew marriage was this happiness inducing, I’d have gone on the search earlier in life! Love makes everything so much better, but love comes in so many forms and shapes. Besides having a loving partner, you can feel love from your family, your friends or coworkers, even from your pet, or love can come through your passions. When it comes to marriage ( or some form of partnership), we tend to let go of our wanting to impress habits, and take each other for granted. We forget why we fell in love with a person in the first place and become used to one another, which slowly will put out the fire. Which we don’t want to happen !! This chapter in the book was so funny to me, because so many things I recognised doing myself and when I told my husband what things I wanted to change, he completely agreed, laughed and told me to not stop reading !! I gotta say, when it comes to having to put two personalities together under one roof, I have one easy husband. He doesn’t get mad easily, he completes me in so many ways, we have small cute traditions that we take to heart to keep, and we are both easy people to live with. If anything, I feel I need to change more about myself and my bad habits, than him.. if only he could clean up more and help around the house, but then I think I’m the wife, and I want to want to do those things for him. As my mom always says, treat him like a king and he will treat you like a queen. And thank god, I have so little to complain about in my marriage.
As soon as I told my husband this, he burst out in laughing. I knew why.. He always tells me I nag too much, he can just so easily laugh things off and I tend to go into nag mode if something isn’t done immediately or my way. Gretchen says, if you want things done, do it yourself! Its true, and you’ll save a lot of nagging, emotional whelm ups and useless bickering. I hate having to ask my husband to put away his shoes, fold the towels back up, take down the garbage, or help me by vacuuming the house. If I could just take up the energy to these things alone without nagging him, I would save his eardrums from exploding, myself for getting my heart rate up, and things would get done quicker and probably better (LOL).
Don’t expect praise
In line with the previous tip, getting things done yourself won’t mean you’ll get extra credit, or even noticed for it. Men just don’t pay attention, and they take it for granted. Especially my husband, who loves being so pampered. But why not pamper him.. and I sound awful when I say its like he doesn’t help around, because HE DOES! Sometimes even without me asking, can you imagine! And he always does give me thank you kisses after having made him dinner. That makes it worth while. But those little things like putting away the mess, or the garbage, don’t expect him to notice and don’t wait around to get praise or a gift for it each time, it just doesnt matter, so do it for yourself and your peace of mind, and the quicker you get it done, the quicker you can join him on the couch and enjoy the rest of the evening together. its just the way it is, ladies !! Don’t hold things over his head like “I just did this for you, can’t you do this for me now??” Love is not a competition, marriage is not work, we both give and take, each in our own way, be grateful for each other, and appreciate one another how ever you can, be it in grand gestures or small household matters, but don’t get caught up in useless fighting over nothing.
Show proofs of love
Love can be seen in the smallest gestures and each couple has their way of outing it. My husband and I make a point of always kissing each other goodnight (good morning, good afternoon and good evening aswell for that matter), never falling asleep without saying I love you. Its a small thing, but I feel incomplete without it and I just don’t sleep well if we don’t, even though he makes up for it immediately the next morning (if we dozed off quickly after a discussion, say). I tried to implement a 30-sec hug a day, a weekly good hug, but that stuck for just a few months. One way my husband shows me love, is him buying me a white rose (used to be weekly, but spread out over the weeks/months lately), and always included a card with a sweet little note. He likes to go all out for birthdays or anniversaries. Sometimes I’ll find a sweet note or text when I wake up and he has already left. I in return, try to keep him satisfied all I can (never say no ;)), always be in a good mood for him, support him in every aspect (be his number one fan, he is a dj), cook for him (which is hard to do when your mom lives one block away and your husband is her best friend and we eat more there than at home), make his coffee in the morning, and most importantly, rub his back and play with his hair as he falls asleep. Every small thing matters, and it feels so good to give when you get back love.
To be happy, focus on feeling good, feeling bad and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
Dont expect your partner to change, and why would you? You fell in love with a person as he is, so why would you change him. It’ll save you so much bad feelings. But give each other space to feel both good and bad. If he doesn’t know how to guide you through your bad days, just give yourself time to get over the funk. If you have an extra good day, contaminate him by showing extra love. When you’re bickering over an issue, fight right. Don’t go accusing him over old things, or don’t bring up general habits of him you hate, focus on the issued of the moment and talk it out. Everything you do in your marriage is to work towards a goal of becoming a stronger couple, learning each other’s habits, respecting each others opinion and working together towards a healthy, loving, appreciating relationship.
Love, Shar – xo